Looking for Mr (or Mrs) Right?
Posted on: February 9, 2016, by : admin
marriage counselling

Looking for Mr (or Mrs) Right?

Trusting in God or the Universe or whomever you believe in is a good starting point. Remember we get what we focus on so believe that your perfect partner will find you.

Give the universe a helping hand – get connected with life. Join a group that interests you where your opposite might also be e.g. a Rotary club attracts both men and women. Find something that would be attractive to the opposite sex as well, there isn’t much point going to a craft show to find a man for example. If you have an interest in common then you are off to a flying start and also have something down the track for when the relationship shifts into comfortable mode.

marriage counselling

Don’t be afraid of Internet dating. It does not have the social stigma it used to have; in fact I would say it’s a norm now. You can screen whom you choose to meet and unlike the pub, your choices are not made with beer goggles on!

How do you get Internet dating really working for you? Once you have done everything above, you will know who you are and who you are looking for. So find a site that you are comfortable with and write in your profile exactly that – who you are and who you are looking for. You will get fewer hits but the ones you do get will be more likely to be worthy of your time. This process will screen out the time wasters and those just looking for ‘a good time!’
Don’t spend months chatting to people. Use the site to meet potentials; to clarify that they may meet your list and that you are interested, chat no more than three times and suggest meeting for coffee. Tell them you are not into talking online and would rather meet in person to see if there is any connection. As a woman I have found that men are really happy when you suggest this, as they may feel uncomfortable asking you to meet. Make it very clear that this is just to meet and not to expect anything else.

Never give them any more information than your first name, mobile and possibly an email address for your safety and take all the precautions you can when meeting them for the first time. I especially recommend for younger girls that they suggest meeting in a group situation for the first time rather than alone, because people can pretend to be anything online and your safety should always come first.

I suggest meeting quickly because you never really know if you will connect with someone until you meet them and there is no point spending months chatting and when you finally meet there is no spark whatsoever. We also have a tendency to imagine what they are like and start dreaming. This is definitely not useful and they will not have any chance of living up to our romanticizing ways. We generally categorise prospects into three categories within about 60 seconds of meeting them:

Definitely not
Maybe
Wow want to know more
Coffee is great because you can meet in a very public place (for safety) and if they are a ‘definitely not’ then you can get away quick. If they are a maybe or a wow, coffee can extend into eating and chatting for another couple of hours.

Learn how to say ‘thank you for your time, but this isn’t right for me’, either at the end of the date or by text, dating site or phone once you get home. Don’t get hooked into something you know is not right for you because you’re too soft to say no.

Be true to yourself, have some fun and be amazed at what will open up for you.